Toast Chee

The e-mail server is down at work. Oh, yeah, I'm no longer unemployed. But if you're reading this, you already know that, don't you? I suppose I hold the hope that one day, in the distant future, somebody who doesn't know me first hand might actually read this blog. So for the sake of this fictional reader, I will provide details that may seem superfluous and/or redundant to anyone who actually might read this. I apologize; let me dream.

The recurring Viking-on-a-unicycle-carrying-a-leprechaun dream.

I could go into detail about what I do at work, but you probably care even less than I do. Suffice it to say that without e-mail, I'm left with pretty much nothing to do and lots of time to kill, hence this post. I've actually got another post or two I've been working on, which somewhat explains my lack of updates, but mostly the reason is that I've been too lazy to draw the pictures for the random crap that I write. So I'm sitting here on my second week of work, crammed into my kindergarten-sized desk, because we have to rearrange the office in order for me to get a real-person desk. You would think that with the e-mail server down and nothing left to do around here we would do said rearranging now, but it hasn't happened. My boss/supervisor/guy-who-is-in-charge-of-rearranging-the-office says that it has something to do with getting phone lines moved or something stupid like that, but I suspect everyone else is doing something more fun, like running an underground turtle racing gambling ring.

On second thought, that doesn't really sound that fun.

So while I wait to get assigned some task that will take me all of five to ten minutes to complete, I've been browsing the vast interwebs. I've gone from the usual entertainment sites, all the way to the uncharted territories unbeknownst even to StumbleUpon. I'm pretty sure by now I'm like the fucking Ferdinand Magellan of the internet. I googled his first name, because I had nothing better to do and it makes me sound smarter. Except I just told you I googled it, so nevermind.

It's time for Wild Wings. As you can tell, not many fucks were given in the making of this drawing. It was the last one.

So now that I've circumnavigated the internet (and I didn't get killed by Lapu-Lapu (I told you I beat the internet). Take that, Magellan!) I've been left to my own devices and deep philsophical contemplations. So far, my most sagacious of observations (I just took another web-voyage and discovered the word "sagacious") has been on the packet of crackers sitting on my desk. They are "Toast Chee Crackers", made with "real Peanut Butter". You know these crackers, if maybe not the exact brand. They're your typical orange crackers with peanut butter.

Yum. Doesn't that image just make your mouth water?

I ate a few, and I began to ponder. Why are they orange?. I've been eating these cracker since I was in pre-school. Well, mostly only when I was in pre-school, but the office and pre-school bear striking resemblances.

Exactly the same, minus the nap time.

But it was really only today that I fully began to theorize as to why they would make a cracker in such an unnatural color. I know of no other crackers that are orange. I just sat and thought for a minute after typing that. Now that I reflect on it, I suppose you could count Cheez-Its,but I don't really count those as crackers. They're sort of their own entity in the munchie world, kind of like slime mold. Plus, Cheez-Its aren't that unnatural neon orange, like what I imagine the radioactive waste looked like that made Chester Cheetah (that's a story for another day), or, coincidentally enough, like Neon. I mean, they don't even taste like cheese! Actually, wait a minute.

Om nom nom. Yeah, I did it. So what?

Yeah, pretty positive I don't taste any cheese. Which again begs the question, why orange? I could understand if the crazy color had some tie to the flavor of the cracker, but I did a thorough study using all four steps of the scientific method, and I have deduced that these crackers do not taste like anything that is naturally orange. So then I wonder, if you're going to make a cracker some random crazy color, why not go all out and make them lime-green, or hot-pink?

Woah, I think they were laced with something.

I could continue reflecting upon the intentions behind my orange crackers, but now there are more pressing matters which require my brilliant contemplation. Like who got to decide what the standard margins are for notepads, and why they come in so many different sizes.